Jacob's Mother—Chapter 12
The Writing's on the Wall
Author’s note: This beautiful art piece is by The Circus Dragon, a very talented writer and artist!
Jacob’s Mother is a serialized novel. Start with Chapter One.
Chapter Twelve: The Writing’s on the Wall
California—2011
The third coat of primer still didn’t cover the swirls that Julia had drawn all over the wall. They had replaced the closet door, and nailed a large piece of plywood up over the hole in the back of the closet, but Jacob couldn’t stand the idea of re-drywalling the wall again, and he hoped that with enough primer, the evidence of his mother’s insanity would just disappear, so he and his wife could get on with their lives. He took a breath and stepped back. The swirls were still there, under the paint. Other than a couple of pictures on the nightstand, and an old bedspread on the bed, the swirls were the only thing left of Julia in that room. She was now a permanent fixture at Daisy Lane Rehabilitation Center. Jacob tucked the guilt of putting his mother in a home away into his black box. However, the box was so crammed full with feelings, that the guilt still leaked out.
Hannah appeared in the doorway with a six month old Addie on the crook of her hip. The baby pulled on Hannah’s necklace and tried to stuff it into her mouth.
“Why don’t we just paint the wall black?” Hannah asked, relinquishing control of her necklace.
“Black?” Jacob squinted at the wall with disgust.
“I’m serious!” Hannah stepped into the room. “It could be an accent wall. I think it would look great. The guest room could be black and white. We could put up some artwork in white frames, and a black wall could really make everything pop. Let’s do it!”
Jacob loved the way his wife could flip the worst situation to something better, by coming up with a creative solution. He looked at the swirls coming through the wall and saw devastation. She looked at the swirls and saw a puzzle to be solved.
“I guess that could work,” he said. However, he worried that every time he looked at the black wall, he would reminded of the swirls. He set the wet paintbrush down in the tray.
“Oh come on,” Hannah begged. “It will be cute! And we will be done with the wall! I really want to start working on the nursery before Addie doesn’t need a nursery anymore.” She put her free arm around Jacob’s shoulder, and Addie cooed with a string of saliva connecting her mouth to her mother’s shoulder. “Besides,” Hannah teased. “I saw the perfect black and white bedspread. It’s a white background with black swirls!”
Jacob dislodged himself from her embrace. “Really?”
“I’m kidding,” Hannah laughed. “I’m kidding. No more swirls!”
That night at the dinner table, Hannah asked about taking Addie to the home to see Julia.
“I don’t know,” Jacob said, pushing his salad around on his plate.
“Oh come on,” Hannah said. “It will be good for your mother and Addie. A grandma should be able to see her grandchild, no matter what the situation. I am going to take her tomorrow.”
Jacob knew arguing was futile on this topic. He also knew that Hannah would probably be upset for days after visiting his mother. “Let’s go together. I have a three hour break between classes tomorrow, so just meet me there.”
The next day, they arrived in the lobby of Daisy Lane Rehabilitation center. Jacob braced himself for the smell, a smell of piss and bland food, the smell of the forgotten, the smell of impending death. No matter how much bleach and Palmolive was used to clean, that smell always seemed to linger in these homes. When Jacob was looking for placement for his mother, all of the homes had the smell, however, it seemed a bit fainter at Daisy Lane.
Hannah halted in the entrance, looking around and taking it all in. Addie on her hip, like a permanent fixture, nuzzled her head against her shoulder. Jacob thought they looked like some sort of ginger siamese twin, as if Addie’s head just sprouted out of Hannah’s shoulder. Addie looked 100% like Hannah and nothing like Jacob at this stage of her life.
Hannah stood, frozen with a fake smile on her face. She was trying so hard to be positive that Jacob almost started giggling at her grimace.
“It’s nice,” she said. Jacob knew she hated it. He knew she hated the smell, the wood paneling, how dark the hallway was. She advanced and smiled at a man who sat vegetative in a chair with a line of drool running down his chin. “Good morning, sir!” Hannah cheerfully said. The man stared into space. “Say good morning, Addie. Say good morning to the nice man.” She pulled Addie’s tiny, wet fist out of her mouth and waved it at the non-responsive man. Addie also had a line of drool on her chin. “Good morning!” Hannah mimicked as if Addie could already speak.
The TV was on in the corner, and several poor souls sat watching it apathetically in robes and slippers. One of the fluorescent lights in the corner was flickering in and out, and Jacob’s guilt bubbled out of the little box he kept in in. He wanted to bolt out of this place, but his responsible manner kept him in check. His brain knew that his mother could no longer live with them, because they were not equipped to handle her needs, and it could be dangerous for the baby, but his heart told him that this place was wrong for her. However, there was another feeling that bubbled out of the box, anger. He was angry that his mother was doing this to him. It was unfair that he had to deal with all of this, when she didn’t even deal with him when he was a kid. All those years when he was being raised by the foster parent of the month, and she was out doing God knows what? He had been caring for her, longer than she had been caring for him.
They entered room 302, and Julia sat propped up with pillows on top of her bed. Her white hair streamed down her shoulders in long ropes. She was very clean, Jacob thought. He was amazed at how clean she looked. Was she dirty before, and he just hadn’t noticed? She also looked so old, so much older than before, but Jacob thought maybe the setting of Daisy Lane added to her age.
“Julia, this is your granddaughter, Addie,” Hannah said while holding Addie out to her. Julia smiled a slow smile, obviously under the effects of medication.
“Hi Addie,” Julia whispered.
“Would you like to hold her?”
“You’ll let me?” Julia, hopeful, shifted positions so she was sitting up more than reclining against the pillows. Jacob thought she seemed so slow and weak.
Hannah handed Addie to Julia, “Of course! You’re her grandma.”
Julia held her granddaughter as if she was the most precious treasure in the world. “Hi Addie,” was all that she said. Addie stared at her grandmother with wide eyes in silence, as if she was studying all the wrinkles and sags on her face. Then she reached out with a chubby, saliva covered hand and patted Julia’s cheek. Julia smiled at her granddaughter. Jacob was touched by how sweet this moment was, so normal, as if it was the same for all grandmothers and granddaughters, as if his mother wasn’t clinically insane, but just a regular grandmother who loved her granddaughter.
Hannah had tears in her eyes at the lovely moment, but the luster faded quickly for Jacob, and he soon felt ill at ease. He looked around the room. It was pretty barren, no pictures on the wall, a tray in the corner, a small bathroom, and a curtain that concealed the bed. He noticed that there was a notebook on Julia’s nightstand, covered in hand drawn swirls.
Julia carefully turned Addie around, propping her into a sitting position, so she could see her parents. She smelled the top of Addie’s head. “I love baby smell.”
“Me too,” Hannah smiled. “We miss you. Are you ok here?” As she spoke to Julia she waved at Addie, and smiled at her chubby face.
Julia sighed, “Not much goes on here, but I am ok.”
Addie was looking off to the corner of the room. Hannah smiled and made a silly face at her daughter, but she didn’t respond, mesmerized by whatever she was looking at the in corner.
“What are you looking at, sweetie?” Hannah looked over her shoulder at the corner of the room, but nothing was there.
“Babies can see them,” Julia whispered.
“What?” Hannah asked, a look of fear spread across her face.
“Them.”
Hannah stood up and looked in the corner. “Who?”
“The angels. Babies can see the angels, and so can I, but most grown ups can’t,” Julia said, also staring into the corner and patting the red curls that sprouted from Addie’s head. Hannah took a step backward, and Jacob quickly grabbed his daughter from his mother. Addie screamed in irritation.
“Mom, you are scaring her!” Jacob bounced Addie up and down to keep her from crying.
“Julia, there are no angels,” Hannah said, running a nervous hand through her hair.
Julia faced changed into a mask of terror. “Don’t tell the nurses! Please don’t tell the nurses!” She brought her wrinkled hands up to her mouth. “Please don’t tell. Please don’t tell. They are keeping me from doing my work. I’m not crazy! I’m not crazy!” She started banging her head against the pillows. “I’m not crazy!” she yelled.
Jacob handed Addie to Hannah, and said, “Take her out of here, and go get a nurse.”
Hannah grabbed her daughter and ran out of the room.
Jacob placed his hands on Julia’s shoulders. “Mom, it’s ok. We are getting you help. Help is coming.”
Julia looked at him in terror and screamed, “Nooooo!” She grabbed his shirt collar. “You have to find Lil! You have to find Lil!”
“Who’s Lil? Mom, who is that?”
She grabbed the notebook on her nightstand that was filled with swirls and thrust it in his face. “Find her!”
“Mom, what are these markings?”
But at that moment, several nurses came in and restrained Julia. “Noooo!” she yelled as they plunged a hypodermic needle in her arm. Then she relaxed and lay back down on the pillows, staring at the very same corner that had started this whole mess.
Jacob and Hannah spent another hour at the Daisy Lane Rehabilitation Center, talking to Julia’s doctors and nurses, and being assured that she was getting the best care. They were assured over and over again that this was normal behavior for a schizophrenic undergoing an episode. They were assured that even though schizophrenia could be hereditary, there was only a minuscule chance that with a proper upbringing, Addie would have it. They were assured that Lil was just a figment of Julia’s imagination, and not to worry, sometimes it takes a while to get the right combo of meds, but once they did, things would be much better. All this information made perfect sense to Jacob’s brain, but his heart skipped a beat, and felt that something was not right.
Continue to Chapter 13.
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Jacob’s Mother is an original publication by Laura Ellis. This book or parts thereof may not be reproduced in any form, stored in any retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise—without prior written permission of the publisher, except as provided by United States of America copyright law and fair use.